


We have hearts. They are for feeling

by fullmetalbi



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Episode: s03e16 The Southern Raiders, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Genocide, Katara (Avatar)-centric, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24876433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalbi/pseuds/fullmetalbi
Summary: She felt herself filled with rage. Towards the Fire Nation, towards Sokka, towards her father, towards all the benders in the North Pole for abandoning them and leaving them be killed, until by luck alone, only one waterbender was left there.She hated it.If she was a waterbender, why couldn’t she stop herself from crying?She hated them all so much.
Relationships: Hakoda & Katara (Avatar), Katara & Kya (Avatar), Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	We have hearts. They are for feeling

Katara breathed through her nose, trying to calm herself.

Why had she gone with Zuko? What had she expected to find by killing the man who murdered her mother? Closure? Peace?

No.

That had been what he was looking for. He wanted her to accept him. To cement him as a valid member of the group. To affirm that, even though he was Fire Nation, he was _good_. They could trust him.

And, in some way, she should. After all, didn’t he help Sokka to rescue their father? Had he gone by himself, he would have probably died, Katara could have been officially alone in the world, with no mother, no father and no brother. Should she thank him for that? Should she forgive him for that? Did that compensated the endless pain and bloodshed the Fire Nation had inflicted to her? Did that compensated the endless pain and bloodshed that he himself had inflicted, making countless girls, just like her, cry too?

He had not cared. He had known that his people had killed all the Air Nomads. That they had tried to kill all people of the Southern Water Tribe. And he had not cared. Why should he have a change of heart now?

Two angry tears rolled down her cheeks.

Aang had told her Zuko had been a kid and he hadn’t known better. Sokka said he seemed to truly had changed. But, what the fuck they knew?

_I was a kid when my mother died._

_I was a kid when I had to take on her duties to the family._

_I was a fucking kid!_

_Why didn’t I got the chance not to know better?_

Her breath turned erratic.

It was unfair. It had been unfair. How it seemed her mother had only mattered to Sokka as a caretaker. Nothing more. A caretaker whose place could be fullfilled by Katara.

 _He doesn’t even remember her face_.

A man’s place is to protect the family, she remembered. A woman’s is to care.

A woman is to care.

_But her mother had died to protect her._

Why hadn’t Dad protected her? Why was he late? Why had he allowed his wife, the mother of his children, to be killed that way?

She felt herself filled with rage. Towards the Fire Nation, but also towards Sokka, towards her father, towards all the benders in the North Pole for abandoning them and leaving them be killed, until by luck alone, only one waterbender was left there.

But, she was a waterbender, wasn’t she? Then, why couldn’t she stop herself from crying?

She hated them all so much.

_Maybe Jet was right. Maybe I ought to have killed them all. Maybe, I ought to have hated before._

Like Hana did.

She already felt ripped to shreds, but the memory of the white-haired woman burned even more painfully in her chest.

Her mother had died to protect the last waterbender in the Southern Water Tribe. To protect Katara. Because all others waterbenders had been killed by the Fire Nation. Killed or imprisoned. That’s why she had had to cross the world to be actually trained, and be able to rely in something that wasn’t just her intuition.

Until she found Hana.

Hana had welcomed her. She had shown her the secret techniques she had discovered. She had treated her like a daughter.

And she had repaid her by turning on her. By delivering her to Fire Nation soldiers. The same soldiers who had kidnapped her from the South Pole. The same soldiers who had killed Katara’s mother.

She breathed again, trying to calm herself.

Anger was bad. Rage was bad.

That was what Aang would have said. That was what turned her from Hana. That was had kept her from killing the man who murdered her mother.

_The man who would have murdered her._

Fuck it.

It wasn’t fair. That man would have killed her when she was just a child because she was a waterbender. Why should she have the moral high ground? Why should she be the better person? Why did he deserve to keep his family while she was motherless? They weren’t the same. For them to be the same, Katara should have murdered him without knowing his name. For them to be equal, Katara should murder him for no reason. For them to be equal, Katara should have moved first.

_It wasn’t fair._

_Aang’s justice wasn’t fair._

And what about Zuko?

She could sense him behind her, standing on the dock, surrounded by boiling water.

“If I could, I would kill all of you”, she said.

“But you could. And you didn’t. Why?”

His words resonated in her ears and in her gut.

“That man was hideous. His life meant nothing. Taking it away would have meant nothing for him.”

“And, yet, he pleaded for it.”

This time, Katara didn’t answer. There were things she would rather know.

“Why did you betray us in Ba Sing Se? I was going to heal you. I intended to do that. Why did you choose to return to the father that had hurt you so much? Why?”

She turned to look at him, her eyes filled with tears.

He looked down.

“Because I believed I could turn back time, when my mother was there and my father loved me. Because I believed I could be happy again.”

“You can’t turn back time.”

“I know. But, I thought that, maybe, when I had my honour back, I could be able to live those times again. To mend the strain that broke my family, whatever that was. It sounds stupid, but I thought that.”

Katara first impulse was to yell at him. But maybe she had been doing too much introspection with Aang and in that dock alone. Maybe she was too empathetic after being trained since she was a child to be patient and loving. As if all her education had been just to stop her from feeling what she rightfully should be able to feel. From taking the revenge that should be hers.

She hated that.

“I… I understand.”

“Now I realize that was foolish. That I can’t turn back time. That my father will never love me like I wished he had done. That, if I want to be the perfect Fire Lord that he wishes I was, I would have to murder and kill again. That, if I wanted to please him, I would have to surrender all that I am and have been. And I know it means nothing to you, because, I will never be able to bring your mother back. Not with my life, nor with my death. And neither will any Fire Nation soldier.”

“Yes. I know.”

_Neither you, nor me, can turn back time._

“However, I promise you I’ll give all of me to make a better future. A future in which mothers don’t have to die to protect their daughters. A future in which no raids are made and no towns are destroyed.”

_A future in which you can heal._

“Is it okay if I don’t forgive him?”

“You don’t have to. I haven’t forgiven my father for giving my scar or banishing me. That’s why I want Aang to kill him.”

“But what you just said...”

“That was about my sins. It is not my place to tell you what to do with your pain. It is yours, and it is just.”

Katara let a tear slip.

“And what can I do with it?”

“I don’t know.”

“But, you have been hurt too. What are you going to do with your pain now, that you know you won’t be able to have what you love back?”

“I’ll make a better future. I’ll help the avatar.”

“I asked about the pain. How will you weather it?”

“I don’t know. I’ll live with it. It’s not as if I can do other thing, besides dying. I… there was a lot that was ripped from me when I was I kid, a lot that will never be replaced. But my mother and my father are not the only beings that love me. For instance, Uncle does. Maybe it’s not the love I longed for, but it is still love. And now that he isn’t with me anymore… I long for his too.”

Katara nodded and wiped her tears.

“I understand.”

“I know nothing will ever heal completely the death of your mother, but I don’t think you are loveless. Sokka loves you. Aang loves you. Toph loves you. And I’m sure that, many more do, since you travel from town to town helping people, not killing like I did.”

Katara couldn’t help but smile at the last part.

“But… is it alright if I hate them too? If I hate Sokka for not missing my mother as much as I do? For being so carefree? How can he don’t mind that I am hurting so much?”

Zuko’s voice was already low and weak, but this time, it sounded even more vulnerable.

“I… I don’t know. I used too to hate Uncle sometimes. Because he was too silly, too weak, too unscarred… And I know I did and why I did. But, now, I wish I never had done it. Because, I felt alone in my pain with him, but, without him, the loneliness is even worse.”

“It makes sense. I don’t want to ever think what would happen if Sokka happened to die…”

“I know.”

“But you don’t understand it! I hated him. I wanted him to suffer like me. I’m evil!”

The tears had returned to her face and fell into her black cloak.

“No! Like, maybe… What would Uncle say? Both poison and medicine can be extracted from the same leaf. It depends on you and what you wish to make. Your anger doesn't make you evil. Your actions do. And, judging by your actions, you are the complete opposite of what evil is. You can feel. You are allowed to feel. We have hearts. They are made for that.”

_We have hearts. They are made for that._

Katara breathed again.

She was in pain. She was hurting. But it was alright. The waves calmed down and the water stopped boiling.

“Thank you for having this talk with me.”

“Thank you for letting me in.”

His hand was rough and dry against hers. In some way, she preferred it like that. Life wasn’t soft.

But they would endure.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel a little bit disatisfied because I had Zuko kinda guiding her throught this, when what I wanted to convey was that, Katara could have killed that man and she would have done nothing wrong, she was right to be angry, to be hurting and to not want to trust Zuko from the get go. idk, my girl has depth and the series didn't get her all the justice she deserved.  
> Pls, if you feel anything of this fic is tone deaf, tell me and I will change it. I know this is a serious topic and I am truly sorry if I have fucked it up.


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